You know what one of the oddest words is to type? To actually sit down, type how you know the word should be spelled, and, despite all the previous experience of your life, accept that spelling?

Hamburglar

You've heard it a thousand times, maybe said the signature "Rubble rubble" along with it/him. (Does a subordinate mascot actually have a gender? wouldn't gender make absolutely no difference to something that is the figment of the imagination of a fast food joint?) But in the end, you just can't get over the fact that it's "Hamburger" ... but with an "al" replacing the lone "e". and dammit, it just doesn't feel right to type it. Can't they just change it to "Hamburgler" and make it an intentional, almost comedic, yet logical misspelling? They could make it like "Beatles", something that you know is misspelled (you do know the name of that insect is "beetle", right?), but that catches on anyway because of the context of the name. You know how burglar is spelled, but substituting the "a" with an "e" makes infinitely more sense when describing someone who steals hamburgers. And it's a better play on words to boot: spelling "burglar" properly makes it seem like the creators took themselves a little too seriously, making it "Hamburgler" is like saying "Hey, we know this guy steals hamburgers, but it's all in good fun? Want fries with that?"

This revelation came to me after seeing the word in print for probably the first time in my life. Why does nobody ever write about the Hamburgler? (<-- the revolution has begun) And why did he not play a bigger role in McDonald's lore? If you think about it, someone who steals hamburgers as a means of financial gain is the antithesis of a restaurant known for selling hamburgers. Should there have been more conflicts between him and Ronald? They could make them comical, "Spy vs. Spy"- style pairings where Ronald always wins and saves the world for another day, akin to Aztec human sacrifices meant to help the sun god win the war against the darkness. Ronald could have been bigger than Mickey Mouse, and would have reigned supreme over all of mascot-dom.

Instead, the Hamburgler was relegated to a far subordinate role, even below a dumb purple, androgynous, triangular blob which was obviously meant to lampoon people who eat at McDonald's all the time; and Ronald is now hardly heard from, as far as I know. All because of a poorly-conceived marketing strategy from the beginning, including a lack of imagination that crippled a potentially classic name. So before you go to bed, say a prayer for the Hamburglar. Or, as it should be spelled...

Hamburgler